My life.. lessoned learned this time I pray!

Well the last two weeks have been very eventful in the terms of injuries and ER visits, and here we were thinking we might just be on a roll at staying away from that place!!!

a few evenings ago I bent over to pick up my 5 month old baby girl, and before I could even get my finger tips to her bouncer I had a horrible spreading feeling hit my lower back and hips followed by a searing, stabbing pain that was accompanied by a pop, and when I pulled myself back upright I found myself holding on to the stove ( I was getting ready to make dinner) to keep my legs from falling out from underneath me. Vic picked me up to carry me to a bed, I could not bare any of my weight on my legs. We waited to see if the pain would cease for a while, but it didn't and with the sprain, and pinched nerve in my left wrist ,that I had diagnosed just a week ago I was unable to even try to hold my self up well with my arms in any fashion... so into the ER we went.

There we found out I have a bulging disk that is pinching my sciatic nerve off causing me to be unable at the moment to stand, walk, and even sit upright until the spasms in my back cease... sitting is now getting easier, getting up right, walking, and picking up anything is still horrid for now.



Well the reason I bring all of this up is I find when ever I start running to fast in my life, or I begin to get very frustrated and have trouble keeping my head straight on my shoulders, something happens to force me to have to sit and think through where I am at, and where I have been in my life. Sometimes metaphorically, sometimes I am literally forced to sit on my butt, so hopefully I learn what ever lesson I need to learn this time, I am tired of bed rest.



Any how this evening I was watching a movie called "she's having a baby" it is about a man who marries his high school sweetheart, and when she ends up pregnant, he finds himself wondering if he did the right thing marrying her. I think so many of us come to think about this very fact with our significant other at one point or another. Then as the movie progresses when this man's wife goes into labor he runs around with his head cut off as we have seen so many times in the movies with this situation... not something that I can honestly say that I have seen in my life at any time, thank heavens, but as her labor progresses something goes wrong and the husband is made aware that he is not able to be there with his wife and child and that they are doing everything that they can to save his family at the moment, and for him to wait in the waiting room, here it shows what he thinks of concerning his wife, and the pain that he goes through as he waits for the out come, it shows scenes of their wedding, when they were in school together, and the many times that remind him how much he loves his wife.



When I had my second beautiful miracle baby, Ana, my husband, Jake and I went through something very similar to this movie, and as I sat watching this, tears came rushing to my face and memories and questions, like is that what Jake went through ?, hit me with a forceful blow. ~ Man bed rest and TV make me the worst sort of woman... an emotional one.

For Jacob and I, pregnancy was something that was a bit tumultuous to our hearts, I do not carry well, which is still a gift, as due to an injury suffered as a youth I was told at a young age that having children is something that I would not be able to do.. I not only have many complications when I do carry, but I miscarry very, very easily.. As of having my last sweet baby I have been pregnant 15 times. Two of those were sweet souls that passed further on into the pregnancies, and all of them were very difficult to bear, particularly since many times we would be so excited once we knew that they were coming to our little family and soon after knowing Jake would go out of town for work and I would have to go through the pain of their passing with him away. I have given birth to 6 children, 4 girls, all living, and 2 boys, 1 living.. the one we lost together was a twin boy to my third daughter that was much too small at birth and still born...
There are very few people who know the full details of any of those events or what happened the day that my Ana was born...and the only one who truly remembers the waiting.. the fear.. and the intensity of that day would be Jake! The fact that Ana and myself are here to smile another day is nothing less than a gift from God, and the fact that that any of my sweet babies are here with us is a treasure,and each moment is more of a miracle than I deserve, but I adore every second I get to be their Mother. And even though it doesn't not seem like something that many people would understand the fact that God trusted me with those little angels souls even for a very short time is so precious to me.

I learned from my losses a few things about parenting (that my amazing friend Stephanie reminds me of every blessed day... )the cob webs, dust, and laundry will still be there waiting for you tomorrow, this moment with your child is only here right this very second, pick the battles that only truly matter with your children, remember to speak and act in kindness and love at all times especially in anger, they are not yours, they are on loan to you from God above, and laughter, candles, china, and crystal glasses should be used in celebration... as often as possible... celebrate the life's you have together. speak with respect to your children, as well as in front of them, they are learning how to treat others including you.

Thinking of all of this made me very reminiscent.. and My oldest daughter Aria and I ended up looking at family photo albums and having me tell her the stories of each of the photo's... it was a very nice moment one I look forward to time and time again if I am lucky. Well from this Aria has asked for time for the both of us to sit and write or "blog" our stories while she is out of school... so be prepared for many stories, & many pictures... and excuse the emotional dust we kick up as we walk down memory lane.